I walked swiftly across the house and into my mother’s room and confronted her, asking her if she had something going on with my husband. Six weeks after my pregnancy I did just that, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there had been something more to their messages.Then during the last week in March, my mother confided in me that she had HSV-2 (genital herpes) and had had it for 10 years.That rage and the hurt and confusion and all the other stuff you’re feeling will eat away at you until you’re empty, and then not only will you have nothing left to give your marriage, but you’ll have nothing for your children either. Please go to therapy and deal with this ugliness bravely. And don’t make any decision about whether to stay with your husband or not until you’ve worked through the stages of grief, including getting angry at him. And the feeling of security and confidence you think you have when you’re with your husband, weeks after learning he screwed your mom while you were asleep in the other room, nine months pregnant with his baby, is false.And that’s not something you can even begin to rebuild trust and a relationship on.Clearly, your marriage suffered a lack of communication and respect long before your husband had sex with your mother. When you say you feel great, safe, and confident in his company and angry when you’re alone, you sound desperate to aim the fury anywhere other than where it belongs: directed at the two people who betrayed you (including your husband! You’ve had only a few weeks to start processing this.I’ll repeat that again: YOUR HUSBAND HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER. It’s going to take a long, long time to truly wrap your head around what’s happened. You can read about me here, peruse the archives here and read popular posts here.If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice.
We have two beautiful boys, a 4-year-old and a 2-month-old, and our relationship has always been a great one.
I’ve spent a few weeks without him, focusing on the kids but also getting needed alone time to cry, grieve, and process. I know I don’t need him–I am positive I can raise and support my children on my own–but I’m truly in love with this man.
I don’t want to stay with him because of the kids, I want to stay with him because of ME.
In the meantime, you should distance yourself even further from your mother.
She’s toxic and awful and, though you may never stop loving her, I would caution against ever having a relationship with her again.