I get set up on the couch with her, nervous as could be.I press play to hear moan after moan with the sound of extremely wet sex. "I went to Chili's with a girl I was really interested in."It was my third week of college and I had really hit it off with this girl in one of my classes.We decided to meet up for dinner one night in the middle of the week (not really sure if that's considered a first date).You know when you're getting ready for a first date, and you're totally nervous and jittery?When you worry about the million little things that could go wrong and then feel a little silly when none of your concerns turn out to be legitimate?But because we love sharing our deepest innermost feelings and desires with YOU, we've asked you, our Big Apple readers, to submit your worst (albeit best! To make sure you're not sweating the prospect of being single forever, we've narrowed down our favorites (or least favorites, depending on how you look at it) to eight tales so truly horrific, you'll be ready to swear off men forever (plus accompanying artwork from The Blake Wright). 'Me: 'I normally drink Champagne, but I heard the Mojitos are great here, so I will go with that.' Him:'I'm on my fourth cup of coffee.'Me: 'Oh, rough night last night? Yes, that’s right, he showed up in full Civil War garb complete with a pipe and a gruff, antiquated speech pattern. ' I didn’t really hear from him after that, except for a text telling me that he lost his i Pod on the field, to which I replied, 'bummer.'""I met him on Ok Cupid. He invited me to meet him for drinks and asked me for a bar suggestion.
I'm not into basketball, but the whole time, that's all she talked about. And then would tell me off for not knowing those things — straight-up rude.
When it comes to horrible dates, we've all been there, done that...maybe even done it again. ' Me: 'Ummmm.' (He kept saying 'what else' like to hurry the convo or something—it was really weird)Him:'Ugh, do you know anything? My date repeatedly and periodically yelled, 'I know you think this is my fault, but it’s not! ' To which I screamed, 'I’m not the one who cried in the cop car,' to general merriment."After emailing with Henry on Ok Cupid for about a week, we decided to meet at Home Sweet Home on Chrystie Street for a date.
And everyone knows the real freaks congregate in NYC, meaning terrible one-on-ones are amplified in the most gruesome way, and often broadcasted across Facebook for all the world to recount. You had us laughing, crying, laughing again, and then almost vomiting. OMG, look behind you, I've been trying to figure out these people since I got here.' Me: 'Hmm, interesting group. In my mind, I was stoked for drinks with a hot, bearded, blue-eyed hipster from Long Island City, not someone with delusions about being a reincarnated American Civil War Yankee officer.
It's the only time I've ever thought about faking a phone call during a date." movie a few years back but completely neglected to plan anything afterward.
We were driving back trying to figure out something to do, and I jokingly suggested we check out the new Menards [a home improvement store].